:D... ?
My life is a car on a highway that is free of worry-cars in front of me threatening to slam on their breaks, close calls-semi's swerving into my lane, in other words, it is going great.
But I can see the dark cloud forming ahead that seems far away, but know that it will be upon me in no time at all. I just keep driving, surprisingly calm and collected, awaiting the storm that threatens to pull me off the road and down the cliff side, and other weird ways of falling off the nice high road-cloud, that I am on.
It always happens, and I'm just waiting for it. I always go through certain phases of almost perfect life, and then something will happen and I crash. crash into whatever car that cuts me off. Always.
I can't deny that I used to push away the thoughts of my storm that will soon come down, but now I am well aware and am watching out for it. It always comes as a surprise, so maybe, just maybe if I suspect something all the time nothing will happen.
I know we have to go through bad things and all that crap but I can't help but feel like it's gonna be bad.
School's going great and I know exactly what I'm doing for my Theater project, and my family is alright, despite the minor thing, okay.. major thing, and I am content. Not super happy, not sad at all. Every thing is just fine and I hate that. I hate it on days when there is a tornado. Every thing is too creepishly still. That's what it feels like to me, and I'm going to go insane with wait and worry.
Tomorrow I play the piano in primary, and although I still haven't perfected my "When Jesus Christ was Baptized", I still think it will be fun.
All my friends are good, nobody seems unhappy at least, and my school social life is going great and nobody hates me so far, well at least that I know of, so I'm okay with that. :)
Seminary is great, the only thing bothering me in there is a couple of my least liked ward members are getting on my nerves. Other than that it's all great. I just had a blast at a sleepover, I have a five day weekend, my mom went to her first parent teacher conference and apparently all my teacher's love me, including the one that I thought would only know me by "The girl that laughed during my lecture", but no, he was the most praising! :O. Who knew!
WHAT'S GOING ON?
I just want something to happen so that I know that every thing is fine. It's so weird but that seems to be how I feel. I want to reach the storm I'm driving to and get through it, so I can move on to the next one and so forth. I hate the wait in between, because no matter how short or long I hold onto the feeling of wanting the next storm to come, it always comes at the worst time and when I'm unsuspecting.
Why can't I enjoy my content, still, pleasurable, freakishly monotonous life?
Sorry, I guess I feel sad, even though I have nothing to be sad about. My day has been greatly normal, playing the piano, eating a delicious lunch, working on my homework...the only thing not normal is that nobody is angry.
I don't know, maybe I'm just being paranoid and I have nothing to worry about. The only storm will be a sprinkle and I'll fall asleep at the wheel until I hear that grating sound of the rib-like marks on the shoulder of the highway, then I'll wake up and keep going.
Who knows, maybe I'm just scared because my life is so great compared to others. I mean really, I have a family that loves each other, enough money to survive, enough of everything! I think I'm worried because I think how badly my life could be, and how it could still happen. I might not have this great a life in the future.
Although I know every thing will turn out okay no matter how bad the storm, I still feel worried I won't get through it. I mean, bad things are suppose to happen, so how come nothing is happening to me? Things happen to my brother, my mother, my father, my friend, but not me. The only major thing happening to me was the death of my baby, Sammy. That still cuts me up inside but that was a while ago, so I guess I just think I'm due for another trial. I know I should be like most people and enjoy this and only worry about the little trivial things, but that's just not me. I want the challenge for some reason, maybe for something to do, maybe because whenever I go through something I always feel great and strong afterward, but I just don't know. I'm not normal. Maybe it's because of that saying "Bad things happen to Good people"
No wonder things happen to my brothers.
If you're reading this I must have been brave enough to post it. :P
Well love you all and hope you have bad things happening to you, since that means you're a great person. :)
That just might have to be my new phrase to say, I'll be leaving a friends house "Bye! Hope something tremendously horrible happens to you!"
Love,
d
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Music, Time, Parties, and More Music!!
Okay, so I think I've pretty much covered everything I wanted to talk about in that title, so now I don't have to give a little summary.. because I know I sometimes at least give bullet points.
--I guess I did just summarize my little reason for the long title, but whatever..--
*********************************************************************************
Music. MUSIC. MUSIC!!!
I LOVE music.
And every once in a while I need to get new bands to listen to, so I usually get weird and look up random words in the itunes search box and find music I like. One time I looked up Twilight and found an amazing band, so you should try it sometime.
I have a song recommendation for all you vampire lovers. Or at least Stephenie Meyer lovers;
This is for the Keeps--The Spill Canvas
It's about a vampire falling in love with a human girl, and let me tell you it's SO amazingly sweet and makes you go "awwh!"
Well, at least it made ME go "awwh!".. so I'm not sure what you're reaction would be, so I guess you better listen to it. ;)
Also my new fav site for listening to music is Pandora.com, it's a radio station that plays whatever song you want to listen to, and then others that are similar, and it has definitely filled my need for new music!
Ah! I just found a new song.. hold on I'ma go write it down...
Mkay, so Pandora is pretty much amazing, I listen to it while doing homework. So I'm hinting that you should listen to it too. :)
********************************************************************************
It's time to write about time!
I finally have time to write. I have found that late saturday nights will fit perfectly for my blogging. I can taek as much time as I want, and I won't have to get up early to shower for church so early!
That's right, our church has switched to the 1 o'clock slot, and at first I was a little dubious on how it would work out, but now I'm uber happy, since I can sleep in... I love sleep. I guess I used to take for granted the Saturday mornings I had. I used to not really see the purpose, other than no seminary... but now that I can't come home from seminary and sleep and actually have to go to school and stay awake... I think Saturdays were a SUPER fantastic idea. haha, it's true, now I just take advantage and not even bother to set an alarm. I get so exausted from the weird schedule I now have, and I can barely stay awake on Fridays. Today I pretty much lazed around and played the piano.
*********************************************************************************
SPEAKING OF ^^FRIDAY^^
:D
I got the chance of going to two parties! woo! The first was a sweet sixteen for my new school friend Jacey, and it was a blast! First actual dance party I had real fun at, probably because the other girls weren't afraid of doing silly dances! It was way better than all church dances combined, which isn't saying much, I know, but still, it's all I can think to compare it to right this second.
And may I say, I had some pretty amazing moves goin on towards the end... :) well, amazing as in -so fun and silly-it's amazing, ya know?
Anyways, I wish I had brought my camera... also, we were all suppose to wear neon colors and I wore this NEON pink tanktop under a white shirt with a black painted peace sign with lots of neon colors splattered all over it. It was amazing.
The pink was so bright all other pinks looked dull in comparison. Me and Kaytlin went over to Wet Seal, since they have really bright neon colored jewelry, so we thought we would find a necklace to match. but no, everytime we would hold up the tank top, the jewlery would look purple. It was seriously that dull.
I wore it to school too and I got so many complements on it, it probably looked even brighter--who knew it could get brighter--since I was wearing black pants.
So yeah, that party was amazing, and it makes me VERY excited for school dances! woo!
The second party was at Lydia's, it was a slumber party. That was very fun and I would give details, but mostly I would be giving away too much information... >:)
I will say that of course we played truth or dare, and here are a few of them;
I have to tell a teacher how sexy I think they are. 8O! can't wait to see how that goes...
Kaylee has to drop a tray full of food in the middle of lunch time. In front of EVERYBODY.
And then Ma'Kaila has to slam a tray of food--Kaylee's second tray of food-- down on the floor in front of everybody.
So yeah, that was pretty exciting. Oh, and then I was the first to fall asleep, which was sadly only a little after one in the morning, and so I got pink sharpie on my face.
I actually thought it would've been worse. I thought it would've at least said "Loser" written across my forehead, but no. All it said was "I love you" backwards so I could read it in the mirror, and then a heart on my cheek.
Next time I spend the night with them I'll have to show em' how it's done.
*******************************************************************************
More music. :D
This session of music will be about my piano playing. I will admit that I hadn't noticed how out of touch I was with the piano, I mean I am planning on doing a solo in church pretty soon, but I haven't really been messing around or playing that often anymore.
I finally noticed how I had nothing memorized and had sorta lost my ability to make something up off the top of my head in my last period of school on Tuesday, the day Alex Khakov brought his keyboard in.
He's been playing for less than I have (I've played for about nine years, off during the summer), and he's as good if not better than I am! He plays so beautifully, and is modest about it. But what I find so awesome is that he's a piano player! I've never had an actual piano player friend. I mean, I have friends who play, but aren't that good. I know that sounds bad but I've already explained that I didn't mean how it sounded. So you can just figure it out while I go on and ramble about my Russian piano player.
To be honest, I'm a little intimidated, but also fascinated. He knows about theory and chords and keys and everything! I've never been able to talk about that stuff with anybody, it's so cool that I finally have someone to talk piano-talk with without having to explain what certain things are. Also, in EAST we played a duet for everybody, he just told me to play and A chord, then move up on note in you're fifth fingers, then go down to a G chord, and then back to A, four times each and make them eighth notes.
AH! :D
So I played them and then he played some incredible little thing up on the top part and it all sounded amazing. He kept asking for me to play something, but being the self conscious person I am kept saying no. But then I played a little bit of Clair De Lune, an actual classical piece he does not know, which is seeming to be very rare. So now I have all of Clair De lune almost memorized again, I've played all day. Plus, I now have a duet I've made. Yay! I have had the bottom part for a while now, but I hadn't been able to come up with a top hand, but today I just messed around and came up with a pretty top part. So now when I go back to EAST I'll actually be able to play stuff and mess around, even though I usually can only play around when I'm by myself, but now after coming up with such easy, yet complex sounding things I have found a little more confidence in my playing. Go me. :)
Just kidding, I should be more modest like Alex. So Friday he put the keyboard in our teacher's office for concentration, since he has to compose a song for the Dance class--I've heard it, it's SO good!--and later I got to go in and hear what he'd been doing and then after he asked for me to play something again, since I had promised the day before to bring music-which I had forgotten-I was reluctant, but then I sat down and it was a lot better since everyone out in the big room weren't able to listen like they had when the keyboard was out there. So I played the bottom part of the duet I'd made, and he loved it-at least he said he did-and then came over and played a sweet little top part with his right hand as I played my bottom part. So yay!!!! I finally have reason to play the piano other than for playing hymns for seminary! woot!
Alright, I'm getting too excited for it to be 11:30. Jeez now I"m pumped and want to go play the piano!
Anywho, Alex recommended some classical pieces I should listen to(he knows a LOT of classical pieces) and I listened to this one, Moonlight Sonata, 3rd movement.(he recommended it since I was playing the beginning of the first one at the time)It's crazy beautiful! It's so wild and fast and so magnificent! What's funny is that I looked it up on youtube and watched it with this old guy who was so into it and had little beads of sweat running down his nose, and it turns out Alex saw the same one. And it's really funny, because normally when he talks, he sounds American and normal(not that Russians aren't normal)but when he starts getting passionate about what he's talking about his voice gets lower and his Russian accent gets real thick! It's awesome. Although, a couple times I've had to think real hard to figure out what he just said...
So sorry I've been rambling about this subject, I am just thrilled I have found my spark for playing again.
Well, I'm heading to bed now, still tired after my practically sleepless week!
Love ya,
d
--I guess I did just summarize my little reason for the long title, but whatever..--
*********************************************************************************
Music. MUSIC. MUSIC!!!
I LOVE music.
And every once in a while I need to get new bands to listen to, so I usually get weird and look up random words in the itunes search box and find music I like. One time I looked up Twilight and found an amazing band, so you should try it sometime.
I have a song recommendation for all you vampire lovers. Or at least Stephenie Meyer lovers;
This is for the Keeps--The Spill Canvas
It's about a vampire falling in love with a human girl, and let me tell you it's SO amazingly sweet and makes you go "awwh!"
Well, at least it made ME go "awwh!".. so I'm not sure what you're reaction would be, so I guess you better listen to it. ;)
Also my new fav site for listening to music is Pandora.com, it's a radio station that plays whatever song you want to listen to, and then others that are similar, and it has definitely filled my need for new music!
Ah! I just found a new song.. hold on I'ma go write it down...
Mkay, so Pandora is pretty much amazing, I listen to it while doing homework. So I'm hinting that you should listen to it too. :)
********************************************************************************
It's time to write about time!
I finally have time to write. I have found that late saturday nights will fit perfectly for my blogging. I can taek as much time as I want, and I won't have to get up early to shower for church so early!
That's right, our church has switched to the 1 o'clock slot, and at first I was a little dubious on how it would work out, but now I'm uber happy, since I can sleep in... I love sleep. I guess I used to take for granted the Saturday mornings I had. I used to not really see the purpose, other than no seminary... but now that I can't come home from seminary and sleep and actually have to go to school and stay awake... I think Saturdays were a SUPER fantastic idea. haha, it's true, now I just take advantage and not even bother to set an alarm. I get so exausted from the weird schedule I now have, and I can barely stay awake on Fridays. Today I pretty much lazed around and played the piano.
*********************************************************************************
SPEAKING OF ^^FRIDAY^^
:D
I got the chance of going to two parties! woo! The first was a sweet sixteen for my new school friend Jacey, and it was a blast! First actual dance party I had real fun at, probably because the other girls weren't afraid of doing silly dances! It was way better than all church dances combined, which isn't saying much, I know, but still, it's all I can think to compare it to right this second.
And may I say, I had some pretty amazing moves goin on towards the end... :) well, amazing as in -so fun and silly-it's amazing, ya know?
Anyways, I wish I had brought my camera... also, we were all suppose to wear neon colors and I wore this NEON pink tanktop under a white shirt with a black painted peace sign with lots of neon colors splattered all over it. It was amazing.
The pink was so bright all other pinks looked dull in comparison. Me and Kaytlin went over to Wet Seal, since they have really bright neon colored jewelry, so we thought we would find a necklace to match. but no, everytime we would hold up the tank top, the jewlery would look purple. It was seriously that dull.
I wore it to school too and I got so many complements on it, it probably looked even brighter--who knew it could get brighter--since I was wearing black pants.
So yeah, that party was amazing, and it makes me VERY excited for school dances! woo!
The second party was at Lydia's, it was a slumber party. That was very fun and I would give details, but mostly I would be giving away too much information... >:)
I will say that of course we played truth or dare, and here are a few of them;
I have to tell a teacher how sexy I think they are. 8O! can't wait to see how that goes...
Kaylee has to drop a tray full of food in the middle of lunch time. In front of EVERYBODY.
And then Ma'Kaila has to slam a tray of food--Kaylee's second tray of food-- down on the floor in front of everybody.
So yeah, that was pretty exciting. Oh, and then I was the first to fall asleep, which was sadly only a little after one in the morning, and so I got pink sharpie on my face.
I actually thought it would've been worse. I thought it would've at least said "Loser" written across my forehead, but no. All it said was "I love you" backwards so I could read it in the mirror, and then a heart on my cheek.
Next time I spend the night with them I'll have to show em' how it's done.
*******************************************************************************
More music. :D
This session of music will be about my piano playing. I will admit that I hadn't noticed how out of touch I was with the piano, I mean I am planning on doing a solo in church pretty soon, but I haven't really been messing around or playing that often anymore.
I finally noticed how I had nothing memorized and had sorta lost my ability to make something up off the top of my head in my last period of school on Tuesday, the day Alex Khakov brought his keyboard in.
He's been playing for less than I have (I've played for about nine years, off during the summer), and he's as good if not better than I am! He plays so beautifully, and is modest about it. But what I find so awesome is that he's a piano player! I've never had an actual piano player friend. I mean, I have friends who play, but aren't that good. I know that sounds bad but I've already explained that I didn't mean how it sounded. So you can just figure it out while I go on and ramble about my Russian piano player.
To be honest, I'm a little intimidated, but also fascinated. He knows about theory and chords and keys and everything! I've never been able to talk about that stuff with anybody, it's so cool that I finally have someone to talk piano-talk with without having to explain what certain things are. Also, in EAST we played a duet for everybody, he just told me to play and A chord, then move up on note in you're fifth fingers, then go down to a G chord, and then back to A, four times each and make them eighth notes.
AH! :D
So I played them and then he played some incredible little thing up on the top part and it all sounded amazing. He kept asking for me to play something, but being the self conscious person I am kept saying no. But then I played a little bit of Clair De Lune, an actual classical piece he does not know, which is seeming to be very rare. So now I have all of Clair De lune almost memorized again, I've played all day. Plus, I now have a duet I've made. Yay! I have had the bottom part for a while now, but I hadn't been able to come up with a top hand, but today I just messed around and came up with a pretty top part. So now when I go back to EAST I'll actually be able to play stuff and mess around, even though I usually can only play around when I'm by myself, but now after coming up with such easy, yet complex sounding things I have found a little more confidence in my playing. Go me. :)
Just kidding, I should be more modest like Alex. So Friday he put the keyboard in our teacher's office for concentration, since he has to compose a song for the Dance class--I've heard it, it's SO good!--and later I got to go in and hear what he'd been doing and then after he asked for me to play something again, since I had promised the day before to bring music-which I had forgotten-I was reluctant, but then I sat down and it was a lot better since everyone out in the big room weren't able to listen like they had when the keyboard was out there. So I played the bottom part of the duet I'd made, and he loved it-at least he said he did-and then came over and played a sweet little top part with his right hand as I played my bottom part. So yay!!!! I finally have reason to play the piano other than for playing hymns for seminary! woot!
Alright, I'm getting too excited for it to be 11:30. Jeez now I"m pumped and want to go play the piano!
Anywho, Alex recommended some classical pieces I should listen to(he knows a LOT of classical pieces) and I listened to this one, Moonlight Sonata, 3rd movement.(he recommended it since I was playing the beginning of the first one at the time)It's crazy beautiful! It's so wild and fast and so magnificent! What's funny is that I looked it up on youtube and watched it with this old guy who was so into it and had little beads of sweat running down his nose, and it turns out Alex saw the same one. And it's really funny, because normally when he talks, he sounds American and normal(not that Russians aren't normal)but when he starts getting passionate about what he's talking about his voice gets lower and his Russian accent gets real thick! It's awesome. Although, a couple times I've had to think real hard to figure out what he just said...
So sorry I've been rambling about this subject, I am just thrilled I have found my spark for playing again.
Well, I'm heading to bed now, still tired after my practically sleepless week!
Love ya,
d
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Music Deprivation :'(
ARGH I need to redo my whole life schedule.
I used to have all my hobbies and what not in a perfect order with time to spare.
Now that school has started, I barely get home from school when I need to go to bed!
This is what it's been for the past few weeks;
I go to school
I go to Wal-Mart, for more school supplies...
I get home and eat dinner
I do whatever homework I have
I check facebook, can't get on the computer without going over there :P
I go to bed
I wake up and start all over again.
Where do I fit in my writing? The only writing I've done since school started has been English assignments, which don't get me wrong are the BEST, but still, they aren't my stories.
I get my music time in at school, because the teachers allow us to use them normally towards the end of class when we do work or in advisory-aka seminar, aka study hall.
But wait; something changed today.
Our principal has now banned the use of Ipods!!! Not even teachers are allowed to let us listen to them! first time we're caught, we get a warning, second time...
You pay 25 bucks to get it back plus a Friday of ISS.
:O!!!
>:O
:(
:'(
:"(
None of the teachers could see why Ipods would be a problem, and even agreed with the students that it really is easier to concentrate on work with an Ipod.
What is up?
I have no clue. But the principal said it was a 'health issue' and there was some improper usage going on with them.
WHAT???
Sigh*
Ah well...
Alright, I've done my venting for now.
Mehbeh.
Yeah.
I'm done rambling about my music deprivation.
Other than the major horrid morning announcement, my school day was really enjoyable. Theater was amazing, we just played really fun games that had to do with 'composure'. We played the 'ha ha' game
Hah
Alyssa, I saw you're blog with that pic!
hehe
but yeah, I rocked that game. just not the first time.
Fortunately we were aloud to laugh as long as it wasn't our turn to Hah, then we had to refrain.
I was laughing all through the first game.
BUT the second time... was when I learned that if I bit my upper lip hard enough it would hold in my urge to laugh.
Don't worry, it didn't hurt until later that day.
;)
But it was really swollen and red...
but anyway the last time we played it ended up between a three way tie between the two guys Barret and Kyle, and then yours truly.
The only reason we were left was because Barret was so good at making OTHER people laugh at the way he Hahed. He would do orchestra style, show tunes, star wars, etc.
And one time was so hilarious, but I caught myself before anything erupted.
All the girls laughed though.. it was so funny.
he was like-when he saw me-
"Dang, I thought I would've gotten rid of all the girls with that one!"
It..
Was..
AMAZING.
Well, I should probably stop writing about how I have no time to write...
Well, love ya all!
d
I used to have all my hobbies and what not in a perfect order with time to spare.
Now that school has started, I barely get home from school when I need to go to bed!
This is what it's been for the past few weeks;
I go to school
I go to Wal-Mart, for more school supplies...
I get home and eat dinner
I do whatever homework I have
I check facebook, can't get on the computer without going over there :P
I go to bed
I wake up and start all over again.
Where do I fit in my writing? The only writing I've done since school started has been English assignments, which don't get me wrong are the BEST, but still, they aren't my stories.
I get my music time in at school, because the teachers allow us to use them normally towards the end of class when we do work or in advisory-aka seminar, aka study hall.
But wait; something changed today.
Our principal has now banned the use of Ipods!!! Not even teachers are allowed to let us listen to them! first time we're caught, we get a warning, second time...
You pay 25 bucks to get it back plus a Friday of ISS.
:O!!!
>:O
:(
:'(
:"(
None of the teachers could see why Ipods would be a problem, and even agreed with the students that it really is easier to concentrate on work with an Ipod.
What is up?
I have no clue. But the principal said it was a 'health issue' and there was some improper usage going on with them.
WHAT???
Sigh*
Ah well...
Alright, I've done my venting for now.
Mehbeh.
Yeah.
I'm done rambling about my music deprivation.
Other than the major horrid morning announcement, my school day was really enjoyable. Theater was amazing, we just played really fun games that had to do with 'composure'. We played the 'ha ha' game
Hah
Alyssa, I saw you're blog with that pic!
hehe
but yeah, I rocked that game. just not the first time.
Fortunately we were aloud to laugh as long as it wasn't our turn to Hah, then we had to refrain.
I was laughing all through the first game.
BUT the second time... was when I learned that if I bit my upper lip hard enough it would hold in my urge to laugh.
Don't worry, it didn't hurt until later that day.
;)
But it was really swollen and red...
but anyway the last time we played it ended up between a three way tie between the two guys Barret and Kyle, and then yours truly.
The only reason we were left was because Barret was so good at making OTHER people laugh at the way he Hahed. He would do orchestra style, show tunes, star wars, etc.
And one time was so hilarious, but I caught myself before anything erupted.
All the girls laughed though.. it was so funny.
he was like-when he saw me-
"Dang, I thought I would've gotten rid of all the girls with that one!"
It..
Was..
AMAZING.
Well, I should probably stop writing about how I have no time to write...
Well, love ya all!
d
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
