Sad Post... Sorry :((

:D... ?
My life is a car on a highway that is free of worry-cars in front of me threatening to slam on their breaks, close calls-semi's swerving into my lane, in other words, it is going great.
But I can see the dark cloud forming ahead that seems far away, but know that it will be upon me in no time at all. I just keep driving, surprisingly calm and collected, awaiting the storm that threatens to pull me off the road and down the cliff side, and other weird ways of falling off the nice high road-cloud, that I am on.
It always happens, and I'm just waiting for it. I always go through certain phases of almost perfect life, and then something will happen and I crash. crash into whatever car that cuts me off. Always.
I can't deny that I used to push away the thoughts of my storm that will soon come down, but now I am well aware and am watching out for it. It always comes as a surprise, so maybe, just maybe if I suspect something all the time nothing will happen.
I know we have to go through bad things and all that crap but I can't help but feel like it's gonna be bad.
School's going great and I know exactly what I'm doing for my Theater project, and my family is alright, despite the minor thing, okay.. major thing, and I am content. Not super happy, not sad at all. Every thing is just fine and I hate that. I hate it on days when there is a tornado. Every thing is too creepishly still. That's what it feels like to me, and I'm going to go insane with wait and worry.
Tomorrow I play the piano in primary, and although I still haven't perfected my "When Jesus Christ was Baptized", I still think it will be fun.
All my friends are good, nobody seems unhappy at least, and my school social life is going great and nobody hates me so far, well at least that I know of, so I'm okay with that. :)
Seminary is great, the only thing bothering me in there is a couple of my least liked ward members are getting on my nerves. Other than that it's all great. I just had a blast at a sleepover, I have a five day weekend, my mom went to her first parent teacher conference and apparently all my teacher's love me, including the one that I thought would only know me by "The girl that laughed during my lecture", but no, he was the most praising! :O. Who knew!
WHAT'S GOING ON?
I just want something to happen so that I know that every thing is fine. It's so weird but that seems to be how I feel. I want to reach the storm I'm driving to and get through it, so I can move on to the next one and so forth. I hate the wait in between, because no matter how short or long I hold onto the feeling of wanting the next storm to come, it always comes at the worst time and when I'm unsuspecting.
Why can't I enjoy my content, still, pleasurable, freakishly monotonous life?
Sorry, I guess I feel sad, even though I have nothing to be sad about. My day has been greatly normal, playing the piano, eating a delicious lunch, working on my homework...the only thing not normal is that nobody is angry.
I don't know, maybe I'm just being paranoid and I have nothing to worry about. The only storm will be a sprinkle and I'll fall asleep at the wheel until I hear that grating sound of the rib-like marks on the shoulder of the highway, then I'll wake up and keep going.
Who knows, maybe I'm just scared because my life is so great compared to others. I mean really, I have a family that loves each other, enough money to survive, enough of everything! I think I'm worried because I think how badly my life could be, and how it could still happen. I might not have this great a life in the future.
Although I know every thing will turn out okay no matter how bad the storm, I still feel worried I won't get through it. I mean, bad things are suppose to happen, so how come nothing is happening to me? Things happen to my brother, my mother, my father, my friend, but not me. The only major thing happening to me was the death of my baby, Sammy. That still cuts me up inside but that was a while ago, so I guess I just think I'm due for another trial. I know I should be like most people and enjoy this and only worry about the little trivial things, but that's just not me. I want the challenge for some reason, maybe for something to do, maybe because whenever I go through something I always feel great and strong afterward, but I just don't know. I'm not normal. Maybe it's because of that saying "Bad things happen to Good people"
No wonder things happen to my brothers.
If you're reading this I must have been brave enough to post it. :P
Well love you all and hope you have bad things happening to you, since that means you're a great person. :)
That just might have to be my new phrase to say, I'll be leaving a friends house "Bye! Hope something tremendously horrible happens to you!"
Love,
d